


Thougths

by Spweedwagon



Category: None - Fandom
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-22
Updated: 2020-12-22
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:39:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28228527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spweedwagon/pseuds/Spweedwagon
Summary: Just some random thoughts that I need to let go off
Relationships: None
Kudos: 1





	Thougths

It is almost 2am and I can't sleep.  
My head is filled with random thoughts I just cannot let go off. The past few days, everything possible went wrong.  
You may call me weak for making such a big deal out of this and you may call me a cry baby I do not care.

Everything is linked to my parents. Everything eventually comes down to the one thing everyone in my life likes to do, leaving.  
It is so popular among everyone I get to know. I don't have spcific types of friend, i dont just hang with gamers nor with beauty queens. I hang with people that will leave me. No one has ever been able to talk this idea out of my head. I feel so hatred yet I feel like im the hateful friend. I feel manic yet so fragile. I feel so left out by any group I join.  
It is so easy to distance yourself and people get used to it. People don't ask me anymore how I am, because they know I am just that silent kiddo while I am not. 

I want to live. But instead im stuck in a pandemic. Not that this would've changed much. Quarantine has been my default life style since i was born. I'm used to being alone and the only company I had was music and my own thoughts.  
If I can give you one advice. Take care of mental health and don't neglect young children or they might end up like me attempting to overdose just at the age of 13-14 years old. When i look back at those events I see a kid that already knew she wanted to die. I had no purpose in this life and I can't seem to even imagine my later life. I'm not me, I'm a old spirit trapped inside of a human body. I have no purpose, I've been sent as a punishment because every friendship i have eventually dies.

I canno blame anyone for leaving though. I know i might act manic sometimes and I know that is hard to deal with. I know I might be over sensitive and I know it is hard to deal with that and im sorry. Im sorry if i did any of you wrong. Im sorry that all of the people alive you got to know me and all the trauma i have to carry with me. Im sorry to this day i havent processed anything. Im sorry that i am the way that i am right now.

I caused a lot of bad things and I regret that my biological parents chose to let me get born while they knew i would end up like this. At least youre not in an orphancy but i have to live with the burden that i know both of my parents but it is just the fact that they did not want to have me and neither seem to realize what massive scar that left behind. They dont know how hard it sometimes is for my friends to constantly give me the reassurance that they will not leave.

As I am writing this there are tears falling down on the keyboard of my laptop.  
Because those are the feelings I cannot put into words.

Those are a cry for reassurance. A cry for please do not leave me alone. Iknow im a bad person but i will fix this. I promise you ill get better.  
But please dont leave me in these hard times. Iknow it is tempting but im begging you to not let go of me. 

But to come to a conclusion i must face reality. If you dont love me there is no point. Iknow you reading this doesnt change anything. But im telling you it is okay to ignore me and to let me go because i would literally do the same


End file.
